worse electric probs ever!!!!

[IRISH-WILLIAMS]

hi everyone.
my will has some very weird probs,
when i start it its fine until i turn on the lights, it revs up like a blip of the throttle and the same when i turn on the spot light switch, and the light warning buzzer comes on when a door is opend, and to top it all off when i turn off the lights the car dies with no sign of life what so ever! and wont start again, i cant under stand it because the battery is perfect and the connections, and the alternator is charging perfectly, :(

[Wobba]

Earthing problem probably or short circuit.