Printable View
Hey, fellas! I've created this thread for us to share a few full-hearted laughs, something to lighten up the day when the going gets rough or you just needed something to pick you up from a gloomy day. Let me start this up with a few shorts:
So this bear walks into a bar.
The bear says, "I'll have a beer."
Bartender says, "Hey bear, why the big pause?"
A farmer pulls up to his neighbor's spread and walks to the door. Little boy answers:
"Hello, Mr. Baker"
Hi Jimmy, is your Dad home?
"Naw he went to town"
How about your Mother?
"Nope she went with Pa."
How about your brother Tommy?
"He's out back plowing. I know where all the tools are if you want to borrow something."
No. It's about your brother getting my daughter pregnant.
"Oh. Yeah, well I expect you'll have to talk to Pa about that. I know he gets $500 for the bull... but..."
A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper looks surprised and asks, "You have a drink named Steve?"
man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm. He goes up to the bar and says:
'bartender I'll have 2 pints please - 1 for me, and 1 for the road'
a couple are sitting on their patio one evening when they notice bright flashing lights coming down from the sky and see a spaceship land at the bottom of thier garden.
they go down to investigate and the doors open on the ship and an alien couple walk out, they introduce themselves and state they are lost.
the human couple invite them in for dinner, and the aliens then state that it is customery on their planet that when having dinner with another couple that they swap partners for the night.. the humans have a quick discussion and decide that they would accomodate their guests.
later that night the human female and alien male are about to get into bed, she looks at the alien male and questions the size of his junk.. 'its not very long, is it?' she says.. the alien male says 'no problem' and twists his ear.. his penis extends.. 'its not very girthy now is it?'.. she states, 'again, no problem he says', twisting his other ear, his penis gets wider.. 'now thats much better' she says, her eyes lit up..
next morning at the breakfast table the human male turns to his wife and says, 'so how was your night dear?', she starts explaining that it was the best sex she'd ever had, his touch was phenominal and that her husband could never reproduce the feeling that the alien male gave her.
her husband looks pretty downhearted, and the wife asks how his night was..
'It was pretty awful to be honest' he replied, 'stupid bitch kept playing my ears all night'
Father: Son, you were adopted.
Son: What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.
"When one door closes another door opens," he said.
"That's all well and good", I replied, "but until you fix it I'm not buying the car."
No matter how wet the outside weather seems to you..
German weather will always be "Wetter!"